


Being Honest

by alafaye



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Asexuality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 22:23:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2708873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alafaye/pseuds/alafaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas and Steve's got one thing on his mind. Tony, though it's the same, is approaching it differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being Honest

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2014 advent challenge; masterlist and prompts can be found [here](http://alafaye.livejournal.com/392757.html). This is day 2, stress. Huge thanks to my beta (nicevenn) for her feedback. I can't tell you why I think so, but I've a suspicion that Tony could be ace and this fic features an ace!Tony who has no idea until Bruce tells him. Also, there's some platonic Bruce-Tony cuddling going on here. Roll with it.

Sex...was difficult.

Which didn't make much sense for him, really, since he was Tony Stark. Sex was easy--smile, wink, say something...anything worked really. Nothing worked well, too. It had gotten easier as he grew up, once he figured out what he was supposed to be doing. 

But at first? And even now?

No, sex wasn't easy.

Complicated, now there was a good word for it. He remembers his father drunkenly demanding why he wasn't _developing_ the way Starks should. Why weren't there any girls? And what do you mean, you don't know what sex is? (No one should get the sex talk from a drunk. Never.)

Howard had been so proud when Tony had finally had sex. They'd been caught, Tony and the girl. He doesn't remember her name now. Some shy mousey girl who had been a loner, sitting in the back of the classroom at school. Tony figured he'd be safe with her--who would she tell, really? Howard and Maria were supposed to be at some gala or reception, but they had come home early--Howard almost blind with drink--and surprised Tony and his classmate in the living room. Maria had helped the girl get dressed while Tony sat in shame on the sofa, cheeks burning.

But Howard was so proud, boasting that _finally_ Tony was living up to the family name completely. 

Tony, though, could have done without sex. It was nice, he thought, his orgasm, but it was better when the girl--or boy--he was with enjoyed themselves more. It was easier, really, than having an orgasm and having to fake how great it was. It was only a momentarily rush, some nice brain chemicals flooding his brain until they were gone and Tony was looking at his partner, needing space and a shower.

He could do without sex.

He had a family name to keep up and a reputation that grew larger than he could keep quiet.

The longer it went on, the worse it got. There was no one set of rules to follow--everyone was different--and some of his partners wanted to cuddle after, or wanted to hook up again, or asked why he hadn't enjoyed himself as much as they had. Relationships had their own set of rules that included regular sex; relationships meant that he couldn't just leave off for a few months, he had to have sex as often as his partner wanted it.

And in time he learned that anyone who didn't want to have sex was wrong. People wanted sex--it made them feel good, it was part of nature, it helped connect two people together, it was relaxing.

For most everyone, that is.

"Tony?" Bruce asked quietly.

Tony blinked and breathed deep. "Sorry. 30 hours--"

"42 hours, actually, Sir," Jarvis chimed in.

Tony glared up. "42 hours since I slept. Maybe I should just...head up."

Bruce hummed thoughtfully and closed the program they had been working on--fabric that could stretch infinitely. "You haven't gone this long without sleep since before you and Steve started dating. Anything you need to talk about?"

Tony flapped his hands as he yawned. "We're fine, it's fine, everything's fine."

"Right," Bruce said, his tone belying the fact that he didn't sound convinced. "I'm here, you know, if you need to talk. Or anything."

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Not that kind of doctor."

Bruce shrugged. "I mean it, though. Whether you need to talk or...just need a hug, you can ask."

Hugs. Yeah, Tony could admit to being a bit of a cuddle bug. With people he wasn't sleeping with, of course. Sex changed people's attitude toward casual touches and often Tony found that a simple cuddle precluded and included a certain intimacy that left him feeling antsy. 

But relationships meant one didn't cuddle with one's friends. Tony had learned that ages ago. Even if a friendly cuddle sounded wonderful right now.

"I'm gonna go up to my suite and snooze," Tony said finally. 

"Sure," Bruce replied with a frown.

Tony shut Bruce and his concern and offer out of his mind as he left the lab for the penthouse suite. His reflection stared at him, bleary eyed and accusing. Steve might be from the forties, but even he was going to start asking about sex. Tony was already weary, thinking about it.

"Fuck," he swore, scrubbing his face.

"May I suggest for that you find Captain Rogers?" Jarvis asked.

Tony grit his teeth and crossed his arms. "Not helping, J."

The elevator stopped, but the doors didn't open. "The penthouse. Based upon your past behaviour, I believe you are trying to avoid the subject of Captain Rogers? Or perhaps Captain Rogers? If you are avoiding him, I would suggest that you go back to the lab. Captain Rogers is waiting for you."

Tony sucked in a breath unwillingly. "Did he hear the elevator?"

"You know he did not," Jarvis assured him. Much to Tony's amusement and Steve's frustration, Tony had run many tests to see how much Steve could hear and the elevator was definitely not something that Steve could hear.

Tony wrinkled his nose, torn. Steve--and possibly sex--or back to the lab with Bruce and his offer of platonic cuddles?

"Back to the lab, J," Tony said decisively. "Let Bruce know I'm coming back for a hug."

~~~

"Here," Bruce said three weeks later, shoving a StarkPad into Tony's hands. "I've been doing some research and I think you need to see this."

Tony's eyes uncrossed and he took the tablet with a glare. "You could've been a little nicer, you know. Asking works just fine. And what is this now? We only just got the fabric perfected, just waiting to do some tests, but don't tell me you're already moving on? I mean, I am, but I'm running four projects at any time. I thought you normal people needed a break between things and--"

"Just read it!" Bruce bit out.

Tony frowned. "What is it? Nothing to do with Betty, does it?"

Bruce ran a hand through his hair. "I swear, Tony. Focus. Read the article first and then we can talk, okay?"

Tony skeptically began reading the article, but his frown grew as he scrolled down the page. "This can't...this isn't...ase--what?"

Bruce sighed. "Asexuality, Tony. It isn't just for plants. Humans can be asexual. It's normal for them."

"But that's wrong," Tony argued. "Plants that are asexual can still reproduce which is the point of sex, you know."

"So why homosexuality, eh?" Bruce shrugged. "You're asexual, Tony. Read it. Learn it. Accept it--because that's what you are."

Tony thrust the tablet away from him. "I don't--"

"You do," Bruce assured him, pushing the tablet back. "It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the look you get on your face when Steve touches you is anxiety, and unless you've been traumatised--which I'll accept is a possibility and one that I suggest you talk to someone about if that's the truth--it's because Steve wants sex and you don't."

Tony snorted. "Steve doesn't want sex. He's from the days of sex is for marriage." Deflection worked nicely. Then Tony could get back to work and stop thinking about sex and Steve in the same sentence.

"He does, actually," Bruce argued back. "I heard him asking Natasha about it."

Tony rolled his eyes. Ever since her assessment of him had been leaked, everyone thought that Natasha knew everything about Tony. 

"He was asking her if you two were actually dating," Bruce said pointedly. "Because you haven't tried to have sex with him yet."

Tony swallowed hard and instinctively looked for the nearest piece of tech to distract, but it was the tablet Bruce had given him. The words jumped out at him. Bruce put his hand on Tony's shoulder. "You need to talk to him."

Tony sighed and closed his eyes. "Later? I promise, later. I will."

Bruce frowned, but nodded. "All right. Keep that article. There'll be a quiz later."

~~~

"Steve's planning something," Tony announced the next week. "J, find me security footage of Steve. Let me know where he's been doing."

"He's probably planning how to get you into bed," Bruce sighed.

Tony did not jump. He didn't. He had known Bruce was there. He had. "Sorry?"

Bruce shrugged. "Man's getting antsy. He's heard all the rumors, he saw Natasha's report. He figures if he surprises you, you'll drop whatever is holding you back from having sex with him."

Tony groaned and rubbed his face. "What if he's just buying Christmas presents? A really, really nice secretive present?"

"Probably is," Bruce admitted, "He's sneaking around trying to get all the presents for everyone else. He's a terrible liar when he isn't working. For you, though? If you weren't already having sex, he'd be also looking frantic--what do you get the man who has everything or can buy it? As you haven't had sex yet, there's only one thing on his mind."

Tony swore under his breath. Bruce began cleaning his glasses, avoiding Tony's eyes. "I told you to talk to him."

Tony wrinkled his nose up in thought. "I could just have sex with him. Surprise him tonight."

Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Or you could be honest to yourself and admit that you don't want sex--just a lot of cuddles."

"Well, I wouldn't ever say that I'll never have sex with him," Tony said quietly.

Bruce shrugged again. "Maybe. But not now--you're not comfortable enough around him. Right?"

Tony rolled his eyes upward. "You are the worst science best friend ever."

"No, I'm a very good friend who is telling you the brutal, honest truth," Bruce explained, putting his hand on Tony's shoulder. "Talk to Steve. Before you wake up on Christmas morning with a very naked soldier in your bed."

"Is that how Christmas sex works?" Tony asked, brain side tracking. "Seriously? I mean, Pepper and I were together for just that one Christmas, but you remember that one, the Mandarin thing. And I've never been with anyone else who wasn't already in bed with me come the holiday and I was always up first and--why are you shaking your head? Come on, no, don't. I'm really curious now. You've had relationships, Bruce! Is that something that people really do?"

~~~

Bruce was really great at platonic cuddles. Tony had shamelessly taken advantage of that fact during that first hug to ambush Bruce where he had been sitting on the bench--just sitting next to him and asking for a hug and then not leaving. Bruce, uncomfortable but as ever unwilling to cause an argument that could lead to the Hulk, had sat and let Tony lean into him, continuing to work on his research. And ever since then, Tony would ambush him into more platonic cuddling. It wasn't ever difficult and Bruce never said anything.

Christmas Eve found Tony doing it again, avoiding Steve and sex. Still.

He was almost asleep when he heard something fall. He jerked upright, still on the edge of sleep. "Dummy, I told you--uu...Steve. Hi."

Steve's hand was still in the air like he was still holding the StarkPad that had fallen. He was looking between Tony and Bruce, face falling. "Sorry. I was just...I wanted to ask Bruce if he had seen you. I, um..."

Bruce sighed and stood up. Stretching, he said, "I'll be upstairs. Tony, tell him."

Steve looked down at the floor as Bruce neared him, but Bruce paused and said something too quietly for Tony to hear. Tony remained by Bruce's workstation, wondering how best to--

"He says it isn't what it looks like," Steve said into the silence.

Tony swallowed hard. "It isn't."

Steve sighed and looked up. He studied Tony's face for a long moment. "Well? What is it?"

"I don't want sex!" Tony blurted out and swore under his breath. "That was not--"

"You don't want to have sex with me?" Steve interrupted hotly, blushing. "Then with who? Bruce?"

"Ever!" Tony bit out. "I just...people expect it, don't they? Sex, it's what we humans do. We're great at it, sometimes. There's whole shops dedicated to making it even better! And when you're a certain type of person, a celebrity or something, people expect sex--scandals, details, cheating. And then there was you and I thought it'd be easy because you wouldn't want sex that fast, and I thought I could hold off for a while, and then Bruce noticed and said I was normal for not--"

"Wanting sex?" Steve finished quietly. "Is that what's wrong? Have you seen a doctor?"

Tony glared. "It's nothing that can be fixed! But hey, if that's the deal breaker, let's do it. Right here, right now. In the lab. Oil isn't the best lubricant, but we can make it work. Or we'll do something else. I have no gag reflex so--"

"Tony!" Steve yelled. "Slow down. Please? This is very important and I can't be on the same page if I don't know what's going on. You mean that...I'm sorry, but what are you talking about?"

Tony took a deep breath. "Sex. Some people just don't want it. At all. Ever. They can still be in a relationship, but they don't want the sex part. I...never knew that...some people just don't want sex and I'm one of them, okay? And I don't need to see a doctor because there isn't anything wrong with me and I'll be honest, but I'm not sure that Bruce is right--he's the one who told me about asexuality and it's been great, mostly, with you because we haven't been having sex. I will definitely take hugs and touching of the non-sexual kind. And that's kind of what Bruce and I have been doing, non platonic, completely friendly cuddling, but I'd love to just sit with you and not have it be sexually intimate that way and I will completely understand if you don't want me to cuddle with Bruce anymore because then that's kind of like cheating, right? For me, at least--"

"But there aren't any romantic feelings?" Steve interrupted.

Tony blinked, thrown off. "Of course not. Bruce is a friend. Cuddling with him is just like an extra long hug from a friend."

"And if we cuddled?" Steve asked.

Tony shrugged, but couldn't really answer. "It'd be different, but I couldn't tell you how. I think...I mean, we haven't, yet, right? But I imagine it would feel the same way I do when we sit close or that stupid time you held my hand in that restaurant. Kind of...dopey? Happy. And...loved."

Steve nodded, clearly turning that over in his head. Tony swallowed hard. "I don't...Steve, I know people want sex. That you probably want sex. And I'll understand if you'd rather...I mean, I'm good at sex. We can totally do that if you wanted."

"But you don't."

"So? Sex and relationships go hand in hand. Even you know that, and you're from a different era. But for you, I would. Have sex."

"Except that you wouldn't enjoy it."

"Eh, I'll admit that it makes me uncomfortable, but maybe we can work something out? Like I said, no gag reflex. I can give you a blow job."

Steve gave Tony a look that was just...it made Tony feel like he had done something bad which he couldn't figure out why. He'd offered sex, wasn't that what Steve wanted? "Tony, sex isn't what...just because we don't have sex doesn't mean it isn't a relationship."

"But then you'll leave!" Tony blurted out, unable to stop himself.

Steve was staring at Tony like he'd never seen him before. "Sorry?"

"I told you, I know how this works. If we don't have sex, you'll leave and find someone who can give you the whole relationship package."

Steve pinched his nose. "Tony, a relationship can only work if both people are comfortable with it."

"It, the relationship, not the sex."

"And I'm telling you, if I ever start thinking about the lack of sex, I'll let you know." Steve swallowed hard and blushed. "Blow job, right? That doesn't require you to get naked or be touched s-sexually or need one in return. Or," he blushed harder, "a hand job. We can talk about it in the future."

Tony blinked several times. "Sorry. You're serious?"

Steve half smiled. "Dead serious. Tony, until you feel comfortable, I can't force you to have sex. That isn't right. I'll swear I'll let you know if I ever feel like I'm missing out and we'll work out what you're comfortable with. Otherwise, we can do all the cuddling you want."

Tony studied Steve. "I don't believe you."

Steve sighed. "Give me a chance. Please."

~~~

It was strange to wake up with someone and not be either a.) hung over and/or b.) covered in semen and sweat. They were both clothed still and completely sober. Tony rolled over to face Steve, hesitant and worried. Morning wood was still a thing, and he wondered if Steve would wake up and want them to take care of each other that way.

"Shut up," Steve mumbled. 

Tony frowned. "What?"

"Can hear you thinking," Steve muttered. "It's Christmas morning and I want to enjoy a lie in with my boyfriend."

"Aren't you usually up and running by now?" Tony asked.

"Christmas," Steve growled. "Everyone knows you sleep in on Christmas."

Tony sniffed. "What if I'm an atheist?"

"Take the day off then." Steve opened one eye which glared at Tony. "Now shut up and settle down. Want all the cuddles I can get before someone wakes us up for pancakes or we get a call."

Tony sighed, but tried to get himself to relax. Steve pulled Tony closer--but not thankfully close enough that there would be accidental touching. He did, however, kiss Tony. Just a little. "We can do kissing, right?"

"Nothing deep," Tony said quietly.

Steve smiled. "Light kissing, got it. New territory for me, just let me know when to stop."

Tony felt Steve's thumb rubbing his hip, but knew it didn't mean anything. It was just a touch. Tony put his hand on Steve's hip and smiled. "Merry Christmas, by the way."

"Thought you were an atheist?" Steve teased.

Tony rolled his eyes. "You've seen the stupid tree in the living room, right? Who do think had it delivered?"

Steve laughed. "I knew it. Merry Christmas, Tony."

Tony beamed. "So I do get a Christmas present, right? I saw you sneaking around--what were you hiding?"

"Later," Steve said. "Under the tree."

Tony frowned. "When? You've been with me all night and I don't remember seeing any presents under there when we came up."

"Tony, for God's sake, shut up. Please. Begging you even. Lay still and quiet and let us enjoy a morning cuddle."

"You--you've been teasing me. In a good way. Right?"

"Sex, cuddles. Tomato, tomahto. I want to lay here, past my usual wake up time and past my run time, with my partner and enjoy being together. Problem?"

Tony smiled. "No. No, I don't think so."

"Thank God. Come here."

And now there was no space between them, but that was okay. Tony closed his eyes and began a new suit in his head, but breathed easy because, well, morning cuddles. He had to admit, it was an improvement over morning sex.


End file.
